The Banana Theory
I have long been a supporter of the banana. I think my initial love of the banana began in middle school, in sex ed. We, being twelve-year-old girls, found the phallus, and therefore the banana, to be amusingly shaped. It was thus a source a great source of entertainment that we were putting condoms on bananas. One girl in the class offered to be the first to attempt the feat. We watched, enraptured, as she unwrapped the condom and brought it to the banana. She, incredibly embarrassed, attempted to sheath the banana while the instructor cooed soothing instructions behind. Despite this, the girl somehow broke the banana in half. Immediately, a girl from the back of the room declared, "That's not safe sex!" and my love of bananas began.
My friends have grown tired of hearing what I affectionately refer to as "The Banana Theory," which comes up almost every time I eat a banana. The Banana Theory is essentially this: if more fruits were like bananas, people would eat more fruit.
Top Five Reasons Why the Banana is Superior:
1. The banana is easily tossed into a bag, and, unlike, say, a mango or apple, it will not juice the contents of the bag should it be punctured by an errant pencil.
2. The banana has a peel, not skin, which is easily removed, eliminating those awkward moments where you try to innocuously remove fruit skin from between your teeth.
3. The banana is shaped a lot like a phallus, and since we all still have a little bit of that twelve-year-old in us, this makes it inherently more entertaining.
4. Bananas taste good with pretty much anything. Ice cream, chocolate, strawberries, carbohydrates, and the list goes on.
5. You don't need teeth to enjoy the banana. It is the equal opportunity fruit, and does not practice ageism. Although one friend has quipped that one still needs fingers to eat a banana, and the banana therefore discriminates against those with subpar dexterity, I respond that, given that reasoning, most food is disabalist. The banana is an equal opportunity fruit, but it doesn't work miracles.
My friends, being fond of poking holes in my theories, have also pointed out to me that the phallus-fruit is not getting any, and working its way towards a slow demise. Should not the ubermensch of fruit at least be able to reproduce? Perhaps, but I have faith in science. If we can figure out cubical watermelon, then we can certainly figure out how to save the banana. While I perhaps have quibbles with cloning people, I have absolutely no qualms about saving the mighty banana.
In summary, the banana is a convenient, equal opportunity fruit. In a world where we are constantly trying to make things more fair, and make our lives more convenient, the banana is the fruit that should naturally assume power.
My friends have grown tired of hearing what I affectionately refer to as "The Banana Theory," which comes up almost every time I eat a banana. The Banana Theory is essentially this: if more fruits were like bananas, people would eat more fruit.
Top Five Reasons Why the Banana is Superior:
1. The banana is easily tossed into a bag, and, unlike, say, a mango or apple, it will not juice the contents of the bag should it be punctured by an errant pencil.
2. The banana has a peel, not skin, which is easily removed, eliminating those awkward moments where you try to innocuously remove fruit skin from between your teeth.
3. The banana is shaped a lot like a phallus, and since we all still have a little bit of that twelve-year-old in us, this makes it inherently more entertaining.
4. Bananas taste good with pretty much anything. Ice cream, chocolate, strawberries, carbohydrates, and the list goes on.
5. You don't need teeth to enjoy the banana. It is the equal opportunity fruit, and does not practice ageism. Although one friend has quipped that one still needs fingers to eat a banana, and the banana therefore discriminates against those with subpar dexterity, I respond that, given that reasoning, most food is disabalist. The banana is an equal opportunity fruit, but it doesn't work miracles.
My friends, being fond of poking holes in my theories, have also pointed out to me that the phallus-fruit is not getting any, and working its way towards a slow demise. Should not the ubermensch of fruit at least be able to reproduce? Perhaps, but I have faith in science. If we can figure out cubical watermelon, then we can certainly figure out how to save the banana. While I perhaps have quibbles with cloning people, I have absolutely no qualms about saving the mighty banana.
In summary, the banana is a convenient, equal opportunity fruit. In a world where we are constantly trying to make things more fair, and make our lives more convenient, the banana is the fruit that should naturally assume power.
posted by Meredith at 8:39 AM
2 Comments:
marry me,
love katie
Imagine how the poor little plantain must feel always being in the shadow of the banana.
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