Snowboard Cross
Why is snowboard cross so damn boring? I discovered it during the first week of the Olympics, when I was trying to watch pairs figure skating. Several of us sat in the common room, eagerly anticipating the gut-wrenching throws and tragic skating mishaps that pairs skating provides. Unfortunately, our regularly scheduled program was replaced with the sports equivalent of eating a potato that's been boiled for two hours. It's bland and mushy.
The premise is essentially this: four people slide down a hill on a slightly curved course, letting gravity do most of the work, until they reach the end, two minutes and twenty dead brain cells later. It moves at about half the speed of skiing, clocking in at about 40 mph, and no one does any cool tricks while jumping. Unfortunately, this is the first year that snowboard cross has been in the Olympics, so NBC felt the need to bludgeon the unsuspecting viewers with it. They tantalized me at the bottom right of the screen: "Pairs skating in 14 minutes." Sometimes they lie, though, so I didn't want to chance it and turn off the television. Thus, we were subjected to, over the course of several days, over an hour of the abomination.
One of the best things about the winter Olympics, aside from the incredible displays of talent and skill, is the mishaps. Much as it pains me to see team America suffer, I thought Bode Miller's crazy hand-jive move when he went off the course was a classic moment. I'm surprised that he didn't break his leg or fall, quite honestly. And as bad as I feel, I enjoy the instant replays of skaters getting inside edge landing from a jump and hitting the ground. The announcers get into a flurry, Scott Hamilton rises to The Mount to deliver his ice skating sermon, and we "oo" in sympathy and delight.
Moreover, there is an element of danger. Take luge, for example, where one false move sends you slamming into a wall of ice. Even better, skeleton is for the dumb kids who liked to go down the slides first in the third grade. If you fall off, you could snap your neck and die, since they move at upwards of 75 mph. There is no element of danger in snowboard cross. In speed skating, slipping could land you with a foot-long piece of razor-sharp metal in the leg. Or one could end up taking down three other skaters and ending up in a heap, with skates indeterminately jabbing into people's faces. The audience gasps, enraptured and horrified. Snowboard cross lacks this necessary element of danger that makes the other games exciting. Occasionally someone in the pack will fall over, landing on his butt. He will then get back up and finish, though several seconds behind everyone else. At worst, the snowboarder will faceplant.
It is the sad child of winter and motocross. Motocross has the same element of danger that Olympic winter sports have. Also, the athletes in that do fun tricks then the jump, which the snowboard cross athletes do not. With motocross, there is always the underlying danger that one might fall off the motorcycle mid-air and fall several feet. Add this to the potential to then be hit by a flying motorcycle, and you have on excellent sport. A snowboard cannot replace a motorized vehicle, no matter how it might try. The failure of this hybrid is driven home by the name "snowboard cross," which doesn't exactly roll off the tongue.
Snowboard cross did provide one excellent moment, though. Lindsay Jacobellis made this moment possible when she was ahead by a good three seconds, and going for the gold. Being an American, she wanted to shove in other countries' faces that America was a superior country, and decided to perform a trick on her last mini-jump. Unfortunately, she took the butt-landing option on the bottom, and the trailing snowboarder came in for the gold. I want to thank Lindsay for making my day, and reaffirming all of my beliefs about snowboard cross being an embarrassment to the word "sport."
I am delighted that snowboard cross has ended, and is no longer being broadcast, so that the interesting sports may once again grace the television. The fascination with curling in Salt Lake City was entertaining, because no one's going to tell you that curling isn't a little funny looking, and a lot like shuffleboard. Snowboard cross holds none of the eccentric charm.
Putting two good things together doesn't always have a double-good, or even just plain good end product. Let this be a lesson to us all.
The premise is essentially this: four people slide down a hill on a slightly curved course, letting gravity do most of the work, until they reach the end, two minutes and twenty dead brain cells later. It moves at about half the speed of skiing, clocking in at about 40 mph, and no one does any cool tricks while jumping. Unfortunately, this is the first year that snowboard cross has been in the Olympics, so NBC felt the need to bludgeon the unsuspecting viewers with it. They tantalized me at the bottom right of the screen: "Pairs skating in 14 minutes." Sometimes they lie, though, so I didn't want to chance it and turn off the television. Thus, we were subjected to, over the course of several days, over an hour of the abomination.
One of the best things about the winter Olympics, aside from the incredible displays of talent and skill, is the mishaps. Much as it pains me to see team America suffer, I thought Bode Miller's crazy hand-jive move when he went off the course was a classic moment. I'm surprised that he didn't break his leg or fall, quite honestly. And as bad as I feel, I enjoy the instant replays of skaters getting inside edge landing from a jump and hitting the ground. The announcers get into a flurry, Scott Hamilton rises to The Mount to deliver his ice skating sermon, and we "oo" in sympathy and delight.
Moreover, there is an element of danger. Take luge, for example, where one false move sends you slamming into a wall of ice. Even better, skeleton is for the dumb kids who liked to go down the slides first in the third grade. If you fall off, you could snap your neck and die, since they move at upwards of 75 mph. There is no element of danger in snowboard cross. In speed skating, slipping could land you with a foot-long piece of razor-sharp metal in the leg. Or one could end up taking down three other skaters and ending up in a heap, with skates indeterminately jabbing into people's faces. The audience gasps, enraptured and horrified. Snowboard cross lacks this necessary element of danger that makes the other games exciting. Occasionally someone in the pack will fall over, landing on his butt. He will then get back up and finish, though several seconds behind everyone else. At worst, the snowboarder will faceplant.
It is the sad child of winter and motocross. Motocross has the same element of danger that Olympic winter sports have. Also, the athletes in that do fun tricks then the jump, which the snowboard cross athletes do not. With motocross, there is always the underlying danger that one might fall off the motorcycle mid-air and fall several feet. Add this to the potential to then be hit by a flying motorcycle, and you have on excellent sport. A snowboard cannot replace a motorized vehicle, no matter how it might try. The failure of this hybrid is driven home by the name "snowboard cross," which doesn't exactly roll off the tongue.
Snowboard cross did provide one excellent moment, though. Lindsay Jacobellis made this moment possible when she was ahead by a good three seconds, and going for the gold. Being an American, she wanted to shove in other countries' faces that America was a superior country, and decided to perform a trick on her last mini-jump. Unfortunately, she took the butt-landing option on the bottom, and the trailing snowboarder came in for the gold. I want to thank Lindsay for making my day, and reaffirming all of my beliefs about snowboard cross being an embarrassment to the word "sport."
I am delighted that snowboard cross has ended, and is no longer being broadcast, so that the interesting sports may once again grace the television. The fascination with curling in Salt Lake City was entertaining, because no one's going to tell you that curling isn't a little funny looking, and a lot like shuffleboard. Snowboard cross holds none of the eccentric charm.
Putting two good things together doesn't always have a double-good, or even just plain good end product. Let this be a lesson to us all.
posted by Meredith at 7:18 AM
1 Comments:
I don't know how it was in the States, but over here snowboard cross was touted as THE new exciting sport to watch.
You can just imagine everyone's collective "huh?" after the first day. Remember, these were the qualifications, when a boarder comes down the course alone, so imagine the boredom you felt watching the finals, and multiply it by some stupendous factor.
I saw an interview that Lindsay Jacobellis gave after her unfortunate spill. She claims that her feet were out of position going into the jump, and that the grab was in fact an attempt to avoid the imminent fall.
To which I say yeah, your dignity is lost beyond recovery. Give it up.
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