The Hollywood Baby Army
*n.b. The Bloggies are back! Vote for mine and other blogs you like by Friday at 10 EST. As a hint: teen, best-kept secret, most humorous, etc.
Being around for the week after everyone else has returned to school has driven me to drastic measures. Some people work out to alleviate boredom. Others watch television. I peruse gossip blogs. In sifting through the obligatory bikini pictures of women I've never heard of and articles about Britney Spears' descent into the patron demon of baby-dropping, hair-shaving, car-crashing, dance-impaired women with cheap weaves, I saw a disturbing trend.
Has anyone else noticed that every famous female in the entertainment industry is pregnant? Because I have. Nicole Kidman, Jamie Lynn Spears, Christina Aguilera, etc. Some came out with it early, like Jessica Alba. And some (J. Lo) sashayed around in a bell-bottom jumpsuit that revealed her five-month-pregnant belly while simultaneously denying that the baby existed. But whether or not feign surprise that million of strangers are interested in their offspring, there's no denying that the women are curiously in sync with each other.
I read Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale when I was in middle school, and I've never been able to shake suspicions about money, modernity and strange women in supermarkets that it raised. The essential point in this case is how a pseudo-religious oligarchy forms. The people have given up on paper money and rely entirely on credit cards. It's just a matter of cutting off people's bank accounts and cards to leave an entire population crippled and vulnerable to a takeover. I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but I never like to rule out the possibility.
Thus, I have decided that Hollywood is building an army. Of drugged-out wastrels who will spread their bad influence to the innocent, unsexed youth of middle America? Legions of genetically enhanced men and women who will slowly destroy the world with their succubus and incubus powers? Or perhaps something even more nefarious. Enough terrible child actors and singers with famous parents to fill every adolescent movie role and corporate-constructed preteen boy band?
My attempt to impress the enormity of my discovery on my neighbor was met with derision. He informed me that there are many at least moderately famous women in the entertainment industry, and it makes sense that at any given time, several of them are pregnant. I tried to explain to him that this is what makes any conspiracy genius, and he tried to explain to change the subject. We both failed.
Being around for the week after everyone else has returned to school has driven me to drastic measures. Some people work out to alleviate boredom. Others watch television. I peruse gossip blogs. In sifting through the obligatory bikini pictures of women I've never heard of and articles about Britney Spears' descent into the patron demon of baby-dropping, hair-shaving, car-crashing, dance-impaired women with cheap weaves, I saw a disturbing trend.
Has anyone else noticed that every famous female in the entertainment industry is pregnant? Because I have. Nicole Kidman, Jamie Lynn Spears, Christina Aguilera, etc. Some came out with it early, like Jessica Alba. And some (J. Lo) sashayed around in a bell-bottom jumpsuit that revealed her five-month-pregnant belly while simultaneously denying that the baby existed. But whether or not feign surprise that million of strangers are interested in their offspring, there's no denying that the women are curiously in sync with each other.
I read Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale when I was in middle school, and I've never been able to shake suspicions about money, modernity and strange women in supermarkets that it raised. The essential point in this case is how a pseudo-religious oligarchy forms. The people have given up on paper money and rely entirely on credit cards. It's just a matter of cutting off people's bank accounts and cards to leave an entire population crippled and vulnerable to a takeover. I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but I never like to rule out the possibility.
Thus, I have decided that Hollywood is building an army. Of drugged-out wastrels who will spread their bad influence to the innocent, unsexed youth of middle America? Legions of genetically enhanced men and women who will slowly destroy the world with their succubus and incubus powers? Or perhaps something even more nefarious. Enough terrible child actors and singers with famous parents to fill every adolescent movie role and corporate-constructed preteen boy band?
My attempt to impress the enormity of my discovery on my neighbor was met with derision. He informed me that there are many at least moderately famous women in the entertainment industry, and it makes sense that at any given time, several of them are pregnant. I tried to explain to him that this is what makes any conspiracy genius, and he tried to explain to change the subject. We both failed.
posted by Meredith at 10:57 PM
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