Camera Phones
You will never get a good picture on a camera phone, so please stop trying. I don't know who thought it would be a good idea to put a camera in a phone, but whoever it was is a jackass. My first true experience with the camera phone was when my father came home with a new cellphone a couple years ago. At that point the resolution seemed to be about 5 x 5 pixels. He said, "Hey, Meredith, check out this new feature!" and took a picture of me without my consent or understanding.
"What?"
"I just took a picture of you!"
"Oh. Well, how does it look?"
He flipped the phone around to give me a good look at the screen, and I recoiled with a shriek, like a woman in a 1950s B-horror film. What assaulted my eyes was the worst picture ever taken (though others later upped the ante with their camera phones). I had just been standing there, but somehow the camera filtered my face so that I came out looking like a bloated, dead alien. I made a grab for the phone.
"How do you delete this?"
My father was kind to me then, and deleted it, but he is a fan of sneaking around the house and taking horrendous photos of my mother and me. He also takes pictures of the dog, who is surprising camera phonogenic (spread the phrase, spread it!). I hoped that the camera phone would die out, like the 8-track, but it has had a surge in popularity. Now everyone I know thinks she is Annie Leibovitz, and can't be convinced otherwise.
Camera phones are slowly taking over the world. Everyone keeps telling me, "Stop, don't leave that pose!" or "Keep your face in that expression!" and whips the camera phone from a pocket or purse to capture the moment. The camera phone does its duty, and magnifies all bad elements of the picture by 2000x. We all know the photos are terrible, but still we save them, and email them to ourselves and friends.
And if I thought the pictures looked terrible on phone screens, they look even worse blown up on the computer screen. My friend Kate has particular skill in making people look like mutant bog monsters. Her tactic is this: you will be innocently eating an oreo or doing homework, when all of a sudden a camera flashes too quickly for you to move a hand in front of your face, and she takes a series of rapidfire shots. Then she posts her winnings on the internet, so that all may bask in the combined talents of her and the camera phone.
I myself have a camera phone, but I try to stick to landscapes and pieces of clothing I need a second opinion on. I can barely take a good picture with a good camera, so I don't usually brave portraits with the camera phone. Also, having the current ability to fill the Louvre with all the terrible camera phone photos of myself, I try to be kind to others. So to all of you with happy trigger fingers: be a friend, put the camera phone away.
"What?"
"I just took a picture of you!"
"Oh. Well, how does it look?"
He flipped the phone around to give me a good look at the screen, and I recoiled with a shriek, like a woman in a 1950s B-horror film. What assaulted my eyes was the worst picture ever taken (though others later upped the ante with their camera phones). I had just been standing there, but somehow the camera filtered my face so that I came out looking like a bloated, dead alien. I made a grab for the phone.
"How do you delete this?"
My father was kind to me then, and deleted it, but he is a fan of sneaking around the house and taking horrendous photos of my mother and me. He also takes pictures of the dog, who is surprising camera phonogenic (spread the phrase, spread it!). I hoped that the camera phone would die out, like the 8-track, but it has had a surge in popularity. Now everyone I know thinks she is Annie Leibovitz, and can't be convinced otherwise.
Camera phones are slowly taking over the world. Everyone keeps telling me, "Stop, don't leave that pose!" or "Keep your face in that expression!" and whips the camera phone from a pocket or purse to capture the moment. The camera phone does its duty, and magnifies all bad elements of the picture by 2000x. We all know the photos are terrible, but still we save them, and email them to ourselves and friends.
And if I thought the pictures looked terrible on phone screens, they look even worse blown up on the computer screen. My friend Kate has particular skill in making people look like mutant bog monsters. Her tactic is this: you will be innocently eating an oreo or doing homework, when all of a sudden a camera flashes too quickly for you to move a hand in front of your face, and she takes a series of rapidfire shots. Then she posts her winnings on the internet, so that all may bask in the combined talents of her and the camera phone.
I myself have a camera phone, but I try to stick to landscapes and pieces of clothing I need a second opinion on. I can barely take a good picture with a good camera, so I don't usually brave portraits with the camera phone. Also, having the current ability to fill the Louvre with all the terrible camera phone photos of myself, I try to be kind to others. So to all of you with happy trigger fingers: be a friend, put the camera phone away.
posted by Meredith at 7:17 AM
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