Diet Soda
Dear Diet Soda,
I am very disappointed in you. Especially Diet Coke. Diet Coke tastes like swill, and has left such a profound impression on me that I cringe whenever I see anyone drinking it.
You see, Diet Soda, most of my disappointment stems from my expectations. I know this is my fault. But would it really hurt you to taste at least something like Regular Soda. Was it silly of me to think that the only difference between Diet Soda and Regular Soda was supposed to be the calorie/sugar content? I suppose it was, because you taste like impending doom. I don't mean to offend, but if evil had a taste, it would be Diet Soda.
I implore you to take the path of my good friend, Diet Dr. Pepper. Diet Dr. Pepper tastes exactly like his brother, Regular Dr. Pepper. They are both tasty and satisfying. They are also refreshing. This brings me to a tangent dealing with Sunkist. I never drink Regular Sunkist because it makes me more thirsty. I still believe that soda is meant to quench thirst, and when I drink Regular Sunkist, I am forced to drink something else to do the job Regular Sunkist could not fulfill. The reason I mention Regular Sunkist in conjunction with Regular Dr. Pepper is that Diet Sunkist, like Diet Dr. Pepper, tastes like its brother. I approve of this, even if both Sunkists make me unpleasantly thirsty.
I know what I'm about to say next isn't your fault, but I'm wondering if you could do something about it, all the same. Sometimes when I am at parties and I ask for a soda, people hand me Diet Soda in a cup. They think I won't notice the difference, but I do. Then they are annoyed at me for being difficult, and I'm annoyed at them for ignoring my request and trying to trick me. In short, make people stop doing this or stop tasting like backwash.
And what the hell is up with these One Calorie Sodas? I think there is even more of an implied message in these that they taste like Regular Soda. But they do not. One calorie's worth of sugar isn't going to make the deal for me. I suppose One Calorie Soda is the supersized meal version of Diet Soda for those foolish enough to like Diet Soda. But One Calorie Soda is pointless and annoying, so please, Diet Soda, tell people to stop drinking it. Also, please try to eliminate Diet Soda with Splenda, because it is a disgusting, dumb idea.
I guess what I'm really trying to say is, if you can't taste like Regular Soda, can you at least not taste terrible? It's just a thought.
Sincerely,
The-Girl-Who-Likes-Real-Sugar
P.S. You may taste sucky, but you have really good commercials.
I am very disappointed in you. Especially Diet Coke. Diet Coke tastes like swill, and has left such a profound impression on me that I cringe whenever I see anyone drinking it.
You see, Diet Soda, most of my disappointment stems from my expectations. I know this is my fault. But would it really hurt you to taste at least something like Regular Soda. Was it silly of me to think that the only difference between Diet Soda and Regular Soda was supposed to be the calorie/sugar content? I suppose it was, because you taste like impending doom. I don't mean to offend, but if evil had a taste, it would be Diet Soda.
I implore you to take the path of my good friend, Diet Dr. Pepper. Diet Dr. Pepper tastes exactly like his brother, Regular Dr. Pepper. They are both tasty and satisfying. They are also refreshing. This brings me to a tangent dealing with Sunkist. I never drink Regular Sunkist because it makes me more thirsty. I still believe that soda is meant to quench thirst, and when I drink Regular Sunkist, I am forced to drink something else to do the job Regular Sunkist could not fulfill. The reason I mention Regular Sunkist in conjunction with Regular Dr. Pepper is that Diet Sunkist, like Diet Dr. Pepper, tastes like its brother. I approve of this, even if both Sunkists make me unpleasantly thirsty.
I know what I'm about to say next isn't your fault, but I'm wondering if you could do something about it, all the same. Sometimes when I am at parties and I ask for a soda, people hand me Diet Soda in a cup. They think I won't notice the difference, but I do. Then they are annoyed at me for being difficult, and I'm annoyed at them for ignoring my request and trying to trick me. In short, make people stop doing this or stop tasting like backwash.
And what the hell is up with these One Calorie Sodas? I think there is even more of an implied message in these that they taste like Regular Soda. But they do not. One calorie's worth of sugar isn't going to make the deal for me. I suppose One Calorie Soda is the supersized meal version of Diet Soda for those foolish enough to like Diet Soda. But One Calorie Soda is pointless and annoying, so please, Diet Soda, tell people to stop drinking it. Also, please try to eliminate Diet Soda with Splenda, because it is a disgusting, dumb idea.
I guess what I'm really trying to say is, if you can't taste like Regular Soda, can you at least not taste terrible? It's just a thought.
Sincerely,
The-Girl-Who-Likes-Real-Sugar
P.S. You may taste sucky, but you have really good commercials.
posted by Meredith at 7:21 AM
6 Comments:
Diet soda is to regular soda as skim milk is to regular milk (my dad's observation).
Not anymore, it isn't. According to recent studies, aspratame DOESN'T cause cancer. That said, I'm staying away. Eating and drinking things that have taste and sweetness without having calories seems to me to be tricking my body, and I can't imagine that's healthy.
I drink soda only in times of desperation. And can we talk about how gross Mountain Dew Code Red is disgusting, anyway. It had so much caffeine in it that the one time my dad tried it I had to drive the car because he was shaking.
Sometimes, I just get a hankering for soda. It's sad really. Once it was so bad that I actually drank the dreaded Mountain Dew Code Red simply because it was the only soda I could find. Mostly, if I have to drink soda I go for root beer. And thank you SO much for calling it soda.
Long live water!
I like Diet Dr. Pepper too, although I find it gives me a headache. I also recently tried the Diet berries and cream dr pepper. It's a bit too much.
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