Your car is not your house

Your car is not your house. I know that you spend so much time in it that you think you live there, but I want you to dig deep. That's right, remember that place that you use your car to get to at the end of the day? That's the one, the one where your golden retriever lives, where you keep your refrigerator. It has electrical outlets. You can plug your cell phone into them and recharge it, and these outlets don't look like a cigarette lighter. This place is your house, and you live there.

There are many things that people can do in the house. They can eat, talk on the phone, watch television, sleep there. You may notice that these are things you can also do in your car. I understand that the ability to do these activities both in your car and your house may have caused you to confuse your car with their houses, but they are not the same. You should note that your car, however, unlike your house, is moving up to a one hundred-something miles an hour next to other cars moving at similar speeds. When you divert their attention from these other cars (NOT HOUSES), you may find that bad things happen that will prevent you from talking on the phone or eating well, such as loss of limbs.

There is an importance to the distinction between houses and cars. You should not shave your legs, read the newspaper or change your shirt while you are driving your car. Nor should you do a combination of these things. You can, however, do these things in your house, and should restrict these activities to locations that are not moving. It makes me nervous to pass you on the freeway and see that you have your leg up on the dashboard, running a razor across your calf while you are traveling 65 mph. It also makes me nervous to know that the man driving behind me is simultaneously driving and reading a grocery store novel at night.

I think part of the reason people have so much road rage is that they've put all their stress in the car. I've been instructed to not do homework on my bed because it combines sleeping and working areas, and it subconsciously merges the two. You can't hate one without the other being tainted. If you live in your car and something goes wrong on the road, everything in your life feels worse, it all accumulates, and soon you're smashing someone's sideview mirror. I encourage you all to roll down your windows (not in traffic) and turn up the radio. And go home. Park your car in the garage and enjoy the true home you've been missing for so long. Nothing is so urgent that everything needs to be compacted into a half hour long commute.

Living in your car: no longer just for the homeless.