Slang
I know most people in my country speak English, so why do they insist on hurting me by ignoring this ability? I know that languages are constantly evolving, and it's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm one of those people who says "whom" when she remembers to, but usually doesn't make the effort, after all. But there are some ways that I language can change that will lead to its being killed by a temperature or stronger, ravening tiger languages. I have therefore created a top five slang words that should be destroyed immediately. There is a top five slang words that are okay immediately following.
Top Five Slang Words That Inspire Homocidal Thoughts:
1. OMG, LOL, BRB in normal conversation. You're not on the internet, and once you've started talking, you might as well go the extra mile and just say, I'll be right back. It's not that much slower. I'm especially distraught when people say "LOL" because I'm sitting right in front of you, and I know you're not laughing. I can appreciate that you're not necessarily laughing when you type "LOL" in an AIM conversation, but it comes off as bizarre and terrible when introduced to speaking.
2. BTdubs. This one has emerged on my campus recently as a substitute for "by the way." Worse than any of my pet peeves in number one, it is a bastard of already bastardized English, "BTW." Somehow even a w has become too complicated to manage, so we've taken it to a whole new level of laziness, replacing "W" with "dubs." I just don't understand.
3. Obvi! Another shortening, this time of "obviously." No one has ever come away from saying "obvi" sounding intelligent. It inspires images of gum-smacking, hair-twirling girls who have no qualms about saying, "Oh my god!" but can't be bothered, so they say, "OMG."
4. N*gga. I don't care if people think they're empowering themselves by making an evil word a slang word, trying to make it something silly. Okay, I get what you're trying to do, but we've done all we can with it. It's time to stop calling each other "n*gga," because now it's not an in your face kind of thing, it's becoming a socially acceptable thing. We're moving backwards, so let the word die.
5. Um, like. I'm not particularly bothered by the use of the world "like" or your not knowing what to say. But the combination is unbearable. It leaves the impression that not only are you inarticulate, you also don't know what words you want to use of the few at your disposal. Just take your time sorting your thoughts and trust that people will take the time to listen.
Five Slang Words That Are Welcome:
1. WTF? Now, I know people may think me hypocritical for liking this letter substitute for "What the fuck?" but not "OMG" or "BRB." My simple reasoning for this one is that it looks really good on t-shirts. Every time I see it on a t-shirt, I crack up. It's probably because of this video; I always think of an Australian going, "WTF, mate?!"
2. Asshat. Someone who has his head so far up his ass that he wears it as a hat. Brilliantly graphic, descriptive, and accurate of many people, if only one intellectual step up from "poophead."
3. BFF. I know most people beyond the age of eleven don't use "best friends forever" but that phrase was one of the shining moments in the otherwise abysmal pubescent stage. It inspires thoughts of purple body glitter sticks, orange-scented body sprays, scrunchies and Sketchers. Most important, however, was the BFF necklace that you could buy that was shaped like a heart, and each person in the BFF partnership got one side of it.
4. Wicked. I knew I was in New England when a billboard said, "Campbell's Soup: it's wicked good." Brilliant! Perhaps it's not the height of cool in the rest of America, but "wicked" gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling.
5. Fugly. I'm sometimes a fan of the hybrid words, like humongous, that encompass a feeling that neither word by itself could. There was a hole in my life before I learned the word "fugly." There are things in this world that are not just ugly, not just really ugly, but unbelievably ugly. Fucking ugly, in fact, inspiring an initial reaction of "Fuck!" Fugly has really helped me to express my feelings.
So mote it be.
Top Five Slang Words That Inspire Homocidal Thoughts:
1. OMG, LOL, BRB in normal conversation. You're not on the internet, and once you've started talking, you might as well go the extra mile and just say, I'll be right back. It's not that much slower. I'm especially distraught when people say "LOL" because I'm sitting right in front of you, and I know you're not laughing. I can appreciate that you're not necessarily laughing when you type "LOL" in an AIM conversation, but it comes off as bizarre and terrible when introduced to speaking.
2. BTdubs. This one has emerged on my campus recently as a substitute for "by the way." Worse than any of my pet peeves in number one, it is a bastard of already bastardized English, "BTW." Somehow even a w has become too complicated to manage, so we've taken it to a whole new level of laziness, replacing "W" with "dubs." I just don't understand.
3. Obvi! Another shortening, this time of "obviously." No one has ever come away from saying "obvi" sounding intelligent. It inspires images of gum-smacking, hair-twirling girls who have no qualms about saying, "Oh my god!" but can't be bothered, so they say, "OMG."
4. N*gga. I don't care if people think they're empowering themselves by making an evil word a slang word, trying to make it something silly. Okay, I get what you're trying to do, but we've done all we can with it. It's time to stop calling each other "n*gga," because now it's not an in your face kind of thing, it's becoming a socially acceptable thing. We're moving backwards, so let the word die.
5. Um, like. I'm not particularly bothered by the use of the world "like" or your not knowing what to say. But the combination is unbearable. It leaves the impression that not only are you inarticulate, you also don't know what words you want to use of the few at your disposal. Just take your time sorting your thoughts and trust that people will take the time to listen.
Five Slang Words That Are Welcome:
1. WTF? Now, I know people may think me hypocritical for liking this letter substitute for "What the fuck?" but not "OMG" or "BRB." My simple reasoning for this one is that it looks really good on t-shirts. Every time I see it on a t-shirt, I crack up. It's probably because of this video; I always think of an Australian going, "WTF, mate?!"
2. Asshat. Someone who has his head so far up his ass that he wears it as a hat. Brilliantly graphic, descriptive, and accurate of many people, if only one intellectual step up from "poophead."
3. BFF. I know most people beyond the age of eleven don't use "best friends forever" but that phrase was one of the shining moments in the otherwise abysmal pubescent stage. It inspires thoughts of purple body glitter sticks, orange-scented body sprays, scrunchies and Sketchers. Most important, however, was the BFF necklace that you could buy that was shaped like a heart, and each person in the BFF partnership got one side of it.
4. Wicked. I knew I was in New England when a billboard said, "Campbell's Soup: it's wicked good." Brilliant! Perhaps it's not the height of cool in the rest of America, but "wicked" gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling.
5. Fugly. I'm sometimes a fan of the hybrid words, like humongous, that encompass a feeling that neither word by itself could. There was a hole in my life before I learned the word "fugly." There are things in this world that are not just ugly, not just really ugly, but unbelievably ugly. Fucking ugly, in fact, inspiring an initial reaction of "Fuck!" Fugly has really helped me to express my feelings.
So mote it be.
posted by Meredith at 10:47 AM
4 Comments:
People who say "lol" crack me up.
And yeah... your school has even stranger slang than mine. I'm still trying to get my mind around the laziness required to say "BTdubs".
ze illustrious dancingbagel: I KNOW. It's truly baffling to me that people would spend so much energy trying to transfer laziness to speech.
And the choices for what is acceptable were very scientifically selected, I'll have you know, meaning only 95% according to my whims.
M'dith: I luv u & ur blog. 'tis wicked hilar~
You think of WTF mate too? Thank God! I thought I was the only one! I've had many quizzical looks after I've added a "mate" onto the end of it.
-Joe
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