Skim Milk

Skim milk is an abomination. I grew up as one of the few children who truly enjoyed milk. I loved the thickness of it, the strange, non-flavor it had. My parents never had to force it down my throat, unlike cauliflower, which is a disgrace to the name of vegetables. I grew up luxuriating in the fatty 2% milk that my parents kept in the house. We only didn't drink whole milk because the knowledge that my parents preferred whole milk sent their physicians into cardiac arrest. After my increasing appreciation of sugar and subsequent weight gain (nothing nearly as bad as the obese kids who can't walk up stairs without wheezing and stopping halfway), my pediatrician moved me to 1% milk. I begrudgingly complied, and still drink 1% milk, but I refuse to drink that disgusting watery liquid they try to pass of as milk. I never appreciated until an older age that milk, like people, is diverse. Milk, however, unlike people, can come in far inferior quality. Case in point: skim milk.

When I came to boarding school, I had options in my milk, skim and 1%. They provided us with skim milk to counteract the dangerous potential for a freshman fifteen. It was unfortunately not enough for many, because they still gave us access to frozen yogurt, daily pizza offerings, grilled cheese sandwiches, and juices with -18% natural ingredients. But I digress. I asked my friend to get me milk while she was up, and she brought back milk. I ate a bite of my chocolate cake and sipped the milk. I chewed, thoughtfully, realizing something was amiss. The milk tasted bad, and not in a something's rotten in the state of Dairyland sort of way. I couldn't put my finger on exactly what was wrong, until I realized it was like I had just dirty, scum-filled water.
"What kind of milk did you get me?" I asked.
"Skim."

My expression of horror amused them. I had never drunk skim milk before, and I realized suddenly that many of the people I knew drank it on a regular basis. Not only did they drink this swill, they ENJOYED it. My disgust was palpable. After that incident, there was a period where my friends would be cruel and bring me skim milk whenever I asked them to get me milk. Thankfully, that period has passed. And now I can tell the difference in color between the milks, too; skim milk is a sickly, yellow color.

In short, whole milk only has about 4% fat to skim's >1%, so there really isn't that much difference. Why do you make yourself like a watered down version of true joy when you could be happy and still be skinny? Life's too short to drink skim milk.