Cell Phones

There was a bright time in my life in dealing with cell phones. That time has been followed by what I like to call the Cell Phone Dark Ages. When I was a junior last year, I noticed several signs of an impending apocalypse:
1. camera phones becoming ubiquitous
2. a cell phone going off in a class at least once a day
3. non-midi cell phone rings
4. my being forced to purchase a new cell phone (old one was five years old)
5. aural phoneglueitis

Aural phoneglueitis is perhaps the most threatening thing on the list. It is a disease that spreads just by sight and pop culture. It is loosely defined as the compulsive need to whip a cellphone and call someone (anyone!) and talk to her for the brief time between class. Once the phone is up to the ear, the victim is unable to remove it. This awful disease has another strain that runs through twenty-something women in public places. These afflicted women feel the need to be on the phone at all times while in public, even to the point of keeping someone on the line while shopping in case they need opinions on what to purchase. A symptom of this disease is paranoia and narcissism, specifically dealing with the thought that absolutely anyone who is walking around or glances at the patient has a deep, invested, voyeuristic interest in what is, as the victim views it, strictly a private conversation. Yet another problem is a loss of a grip on reality, which unfortunately leads to the belief that any conversation can be private when held at a high volume in a public place.

There are 1000 people on campus, 800 of whom live on said campus. The campus can be walked from north to south within a little less than fifteen minutes, and much more quickly going east-west. People probably see their friends a minimum of three times a day, at least at every meal. So why, for the love of God, do you insist on having stupid, five minute conversations between classes? You live with each other, what the hell is so important that you can't wait two hours to discuss it?

Second, how do you have friends to call? You woefully neglect the ones walking with you. I'm not sure I will ever understand the impulse to call a friend while you're already with friends. There's this crazy concept where you spend time with your friends in person and form stronger relationships. There's no point in being with them if you're not really there. The message you send by being on the cellphone when you're walking with your friends is, "Yeah, I'm walking with these people, but I've got someone much cooler on the line. Because I'm a badass and I have friends and they're really awesome, yeah. So there." No one believes you, cares, or thinks you're that important, so flip the phone shut.

I know that there's something romantic and exciting about being able to constantly be communicating with people everywhere. But the capability is about choice, and once you can't stop yourself from continuously interacting with someone, you remove the choice. There is perhaps some value in spending a precious few minutes alone in the day when you're not working or talking, and have some time with your own thoughts. Don't let aural phoneglueitis get you, we don't have a cure yet.