Conversations with College Students
"He's...hygienically provocative."
"So when I came to my senses, I was urinating on the statue. And I was like, 'What the fuck?' but you know how hard it is to stop peeing. So I just kept going."
"And then I just realized, 'Wow, I really am the shit."
"I can check facebook on my phone!"
"See, here's the thing: I don' t have a sense of good and dumb. Those things that seem like really good ideas when you're drunk? Those things still seem like good ideas when I'm sober."
"When are you sober?"
"We're engaged."
"How long have you been dating?"
"Eight years."
"Really?!"
"Oh, you mean dating him? Three years."
At the bookstore...
"Can I use a discount card?"
"Yes."
pays...
"This total doesn't look right if I got a 10% discount."
"We don't discount textbooks."
"What the hell? Why did you say 'yes,' then?"
"Your mom told me to."
"What the he-"
"I can help the next customer!"
At a freshmen sex talk...
"And you pull the condom off."
Demonstrator pulls condom off the wooden penis, at which point it smacks the girl explaining.
"Yes, exactly like that. Except normally it wouldn't smack me in the arm."
"Is this condom strawberry flavored?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because strawberries are nature's spermicide."
"What?"
"So when I came to my senses, I was urinating on the statue. And I was like, 'What the fuck?' but you know how hard it is to stop peeing. So I just kept going."
"And then I just realized, 'Wow, I really am the shit."
"I can check facebook on my phone!"
"See, here's the thing: I don' t have a sense of good and dumb. Those things that seem like really good ideas when you're drunk? Those things still seem like good ideas when I'm sober."
"When are you sober?"
"We're engaged."
"How long have you been dating?"
"Eight years."
"Really?!"
"Oh, you mean dating him? Three years."
At the bookstore...
"Can I use a discount card?"
"Yes."
pays...
"This total doesn't look right if I got a 10% discount."
"We don't discount textbooks."
"What the hell? Why did you say 'yes,' then?"
"Your mom told me to."
"What the he-"
"I can help the next customer!"
At a freshmen sex talk...
"And you pull the condom off."
Demonstrator pulls condom off the wooden penis, at which point it smacks the girl explaining.
"Yes, exactly like that. Except normally it wouldn't smack me in the arm."
"Is this condom strawberry flavored?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because strawberries are nature's spermicide."
"What?"
posted by Meredith at 12:37 AM
9 Comments:
This excites me for college.
In other news, my word verification is ewmd.
electronic weapon of mass destruction?!?
Hahahaaa, those were brilliant in so many ways.
- Joe
Banana Theory = "Overheard at Yale"?
I think...yes.
This is making me feel sorry I took a gap year...
Elyse: yeah, you should get excited for it.
For shame, Dylan; you're missing out on all these moments of brilliance ;)
College sounds like a real life version of bash.org
my favorites include:
"I just went in a thong"
"Why don't they serve turkey icecream at Servo?"
"Well, you may have said stop, but stop isn't the same as 'no'"
As a college professor I must confess I'm amazed at what I over hear college students saying--mostly when they are talking into their cell phones which seems to be the number one pass time between classes. Yesterday I heard one student say, "Well, I don't wake up until I HAVE to go to class and sometimes I don't even wake up for class."
Hahahaha. I loved that. How very amusing.
So far my favorite quote has been "...and then I had to chug a pint through my sock!"
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