Disillusions of a High School Graduate
Ten Things I've Been Disillusioned About Thus Far:
1. Graduating from high school doesn't suddenly make you better at DDR. I don't know what I was thinking, but I really thought it would happen. Somehow I imagined that having a diploma in my hand would magically make manifest skills I never possessed before. "I've completed the federal standard for education, hit me with some of that badass magic!" Nothing. Although I've become about 10 times hotter.
2. Adults can be just as petty, unreliable and cruel as teenagers can. I suppose that, much like having a diploma in hand would make me better at DDR, I had hoped that becoming an adult would mean that people would stop being ridiculous. Maybe this is why teenagers don't trust adults, this disappointment.
3. You will never be as cool as you envisioned yourself when you were a freshman. I thought that I was going to be awesome when I was a senior, we're talking epic proportions. I turned out okay, but nothing like the Top 40-single, class president, down-to-earth Ms. Congeniality I had envisioned.
4. No matter how much you wish it weren't so, it may be time to admit that the Hogwarts letter just isn't coming. I waited so fervently for my letter, hoping beyond hope that I was a chosen one, full of magic and adventure and witty one-liners that are perfect for publication. Perhaps my desire had dulled by the time I reached senior year, but I've never stopped trying to make things happen with my mind.
5. Driving's only cool until the first time your mother asks you to go pick up groceries. Driving was awesome and exciting until I started having to drive up and down the same strip of road at my mother's behest. There's still some exhiliration when driving, but it's just not the same as when I envisioned myself on awesome, Kerouac-quality road trips.
6. The college application process is not fun and exciting. It is grueling, stressful and sort of boring. Imagine sitting through a two-hour long speech about migratory patterns of swallows during which you can't get up to use the restroom and you're going 7 mph on a treadmill. And that is what it is like.
7. Calculator's can't figure out math problems for you. Math and I were not close friends in high school. I saw myself as enjoying school, and math saw me in a position of, shall we say, despair? I thought that if I got good enough at using my calculator that somehow everything would figure itself out and my calculator would do my tests for me.
8. You will never get a good photo of yourself by holding a camera out at armslength and estimating where your face is. My friends and I indulged in many of these photos over the years, and they never came out. We now have a nice collection of tilty shots in which we look like pale, fat zombies. But for some reason we had to keep trying.
9. You may never grow out of the things you're supposed to. I secretly still think it's funny when someone lets a loud fart or burp rip during class. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. It's just so undeniable and forward.
10. Younger kids will not necessarily be respectful just because you're older. If there's one important thing I've learned, it's that some little kids are snots. Many of them are cool and handy with a glue stick, but some of them are not, and don't respect you even though you could sit on them.
1. Graduating from high school doesn't suddenly make you better at DDR. I don't know what I was thinking, but I really thought it would happen. Somehow I imagined that having a diploma in my hand would magically make manifest skills I never possessed before. "I've completed the federal standard for education, hit me with some of that badass magic!" Nothing. Although I've become about 10 times hotter.
2. Adults can be just as petty, unreliable and cruel as teenagers can. I suppose that, much like having a diploma in hand would make me better at DDR, I had hoped that becoming an adult would mean that people would stop being ridiculous. Maybe this is why teenagers don't trust adults, this disappointment.
3. You will never be as cool as you envisioned yourself when you were a freshman. I thought that I was going to be awesome when I was a senior, we're talking epic proportions. I turned out okay, but nothing like the Top 40-single, class president, down-to-earth Ms. Congeniality I had envisioned.
4. No matter how much you wish it weren't so, it may be time to admit that the Hogwarts letter just isn't coming. I waited so fervently for my letter, hoping beyond hope that I was a chosen one, full of magic and adventure and witty one-liners that are perfect for publication. Perhaps my desire had dulled by the time I reached senior year, but I've never stopped trying to make things happen with my mind.
5. Driving's only cool until the first time your mother asks you to go pick up groceries. Driving was awesome and exciting until I started having to drive up and down the same strip of road at my mother's behest. There's still some exhiliration when driving, but it's just not the same as when I envisioned myself on awesome, Kerouac-quality road trips.
6. The college application process is not fun and exciting. It is grueling, stressful and sort of boring. Imagine sitting through a two-hour long speech about migratory patterns of swallows during which you can't get up to use the restroom and you're going 7 mph on a treadmill. And that is what it is like.
7. Calculator's can't figure out math problems for you. Math and I were not close friends in high school. I saw myself as enjoying school, and math saw me in a position of, shall we say, despair? I thought that if I got good enough at using my calculator that somehow everything would figure itself out and my calculator would do my tests for me.
8. You will never get a good photo of yourself by holding a camera out at armslength and estimating where your face is. My friends and I indulged in many of these photos over the years, and they never came out. We now have a nice collection of tilty shots in which we look like pale, fat zombies. But for some reason we had to keep trying.
9. You may never grow out of the things you're supposed to. I secretly still think it's funny when someone lets a loud fart or burp rip during class. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. It's just so undeniable and forward.
10. Younger kids will not necessarily be respectful just because you're older. If there's one important thing I've learned, it's that some little kids are snots. Many of them are cool and handy with a glue stick, but some of them are not, and don't respect you even though you could sit on them.
posted by Meredith at 11:38 PM
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