Cancer

I've recently begun to wonder what doesn't cause cancer. It crops up more and more, and along with it articles telling us how breathing causes cancer. Every day there seems to be a new piece in the newspaper about my imminent demise by performing my average daily tasks. Cancer is a serious problem, but the amount of information about it meant to strike fear into the hearts of millions is a little ridiculous.

The following list has things that do and do not cause cancer. Let's see if you can tell which.
1. certain chemicals in nail polish
2. puppies that lose their way
3. consuming oil that's in a plastic container that's been partially melted by a previous incident in which hot oil as poured back into the container
4. going to the beach
5. eating take-out
6. living in America
7. living anywhere besides America

Tricky, no?

Given that even lying in your house curled like a fetus apparently won't save me, I plan to continue as I always have. I know that melanoma is bad, therefore I will put on sun-tan lotion. I know emphysema is bad, therefore I will not smoke and will strike down smokers with ninja-like accuracy because they could be poisoning me with second hand smoke. And because being cancerous and green is bad, I will stay away from radioactive things.

The ultimate conclusion from all the studies about things that cause cancer is that if you're going to get it, you're going to get it. I can live (and die) with that. My point is this: there are so many ways you could die, cancer included, you could spend your entire life thinking about them. Live reasonably, continue to paint your nails, and realize that a life devoid of fun for the sake of living longer isn't a life. And that's my bit of philosophy for the day.