Fire Hazard!
Our suite recently received a packet detailing all of the things which will cause to die in a fiery blaze. Among banned things were halogen lamps and a microwave. There are periodic checks to make sure we don' t have halogen lamps pointed over large stack of paper and matches, etc. Also, don't smoke and then drop the still-lit butt in a garbage can full of paper (and if you die, it's your own fault for not recycling). What it behooves the student to know, however, is that they cannot move anything during their search. The way to keep a microwave, therefore, is to cover it with a sheet before an inspection. The security will be forced to say, "My, that sheet is remarkably microwave-shaped," and move on.
There are other things, too, such as blocking the fire door. We are not in that situation, thankfully, but I've seen several rooms with futons pushed up against the door. Another request was that we leave a path among the clothing, food, textbooks, beer cans, etc to the door. What is more interesting than the various ways we were setting ourselves up for a fiery demise, however, was the instructions on how to escape. It read rather like those Goosebumps novels where you choose your own path. To open the door, go to page 81. To walk on, go to page 145. Etc., except with fire. It looks something like this.
1. Fire alarm goes off, activating sprinklers to soak all of your possessions.
2. a. Move your futon from the fire door and run downstairs.
b. If there is a fire in the stairs, put a towel down at the base of the door to keep smoke from coming in
c. If you only discover the fire while you're already on the stairs, run back upstairs.
i. if the guys downstairs were toking up before disaster struck, bask in the glory of their second-hand smoke before running back to your room
3. Cry like a little bitch.
b. sit on your bed to cry, if you must
4. Recover.
a. Hang a shirt from your window to signal that you were too weak to run through some roaring flames and need to be rescued.
b. hang your roommate out of the window if you can't find a shirt
5. Wait for someone to save you.
6. Cry some more. Ignore your roommate's pleas to be let back inside.
7. Feel your doorknob to see if it's warm. Don't try to leave; you had your chance on the stairs.
8. If by some chance you catch on fire, stop, drop from the window, and roll. Roll around in the grass until someone hoses you down.
9. Wait for the ambulance.
10. Have a nice day with your microwave-shaped sheet.
Remember, kids: only you can prevent dorm fires.
There are other things, too, such as blocking the fire door. We are not in that situation, thankfully, but I've seen several rooms with futons pushed up against the door. Another request was that we leave a path among the clothing, food, textbooks, beer cans, etc to the door. What is more interesting than the various ways we were setting ourselves up for a fiery demise, however, was the instructions on how to escape. It read rather like those Goosebumps novels where you choose your own path. To open the door, go to page 81. To walk on, go to page 145. Etc., except with fire. It looks something like this.
1. Fire alarm goes off, activating sprinklers to soak all of your possessions.
2. a. Move your futon from the fire door and run downstairs.
b. If there is a fire in the stairs, put a towel down at the base of the door to keep smoke from coming in
c. If you only discover the fire while you're already on the stairs, run back upstairs.
i. if the guys downstairs were toking up before disaster struck, bask in the glory of their second-hand smoke before running back to your room
3. Cry like a little bitch.
b. sit on your bed to cry, if you must
4. Recover.
a. Hang a shirt from your window to signal that you were too weak to run through some roaring flames and need to be rescued.
b. hang your roommate out of the window if you can't find a shirt
5. Wait for someone to save you.
6. Cry some more. Ignore your roommate's pleas to be let back inside.
7. Feel your doorknob to see if it's warm. Don't try to leave; you had your chance on the stairs.
8. If by some chance you catch on fire, stop, drop from the window, and roll. Roll around in the grass until someone hoses you down.
9. Wait for the ambulance.
10. Have a nice day with your microwave-shaped sheet.
Remember, kids: only you can prevent dorm fires.
posted by Meredith at 12:35 AM
3 Comments:
This reminds me for some reason of the terrorism advice the British Government gave out shortly after 7/7;
"Go in, Stay in, Tune in"
Thousands (millions maybe) of pounds of taxpayers money was spent having debates, arguments and setting up special committees to deal with the "simplest way to inform the public", and that is what they came up with.
I really am glad I don't pay tax yet.
I really don't see the problem with having microwaves though - surely they would only cause a fire hazard if someone stupidly put something metal in them, or a CD, or maybe put a pizza on full power for three hours or something...
Yes, I often have an overwhelming sense of, when I pay taxes, they're going to that?
And I haven't quite figured out the microwave thing, either. Perhaps the wattage? Also, there are often gross overestimates of the intelligence of college students...
Hahaa, this was damn funny. :)
Tax evasion, here I come.
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