Mandates!
Dear everyone:
For the sake of my sanity, you must yield to my supreme will. If I become an evil dictator, these mandates shall be among the first I pass down:
1. Your favorite band is no longer allowed to be The Beatles. Do better. It's like saying your favorite book is the Bible.
2. Trick bikes aren't cool, and you can't ride them. You look like you're riding the bicycle equivalent of a clown car. You know why people rode those small, undersized bikes? Because they stole them from 8-year-old kids. The fact that you're paying for a bike you can't ride properly is dumb.
3. If you friended me on facebook over the summer before we met each other, you're not allowed to just come up and talk to me. You must introduce yourself. Especially if you've got a facebook coverpage (a profile picture that lies about your true appearance). Facebook friends is not the same as real friends.
4. When you stand outside my window and make noise late on a weeknight and I'm try to study or sleep, I reserve the right to eat you and leave your carcass as a warning to others.
5. Skinny girls who talk about being fat will shut the hell up.
6. Thou shalt not smack gum. Thou shalt not chew gum in class, thou shalt not chew gum during Mass. I can't focus when I can hear you chewing.
7. You may not borrow a pencil. Ever.
8. Thou shalt learn that there is a difference between Febrezing a shirt is not the same thing as washing it. I know, everyone else knows, and we demand that you utilize laundry detergent
9. Pet dogs on the way to class. What will you remember? That you fell asleep in that lecture that one time or that you petted a sweet dog? If the answer is not petting the dog, then there are some serious issues to consider.
10. You will stop thinking ninjas are better than pirates.
Don't get too comfortable. I may be coming to power sooner than you think.
For the sake of my sanity, you must yield to my supreme will. If I become an evil dictator, these mandates shall be among the first I pass down:
1. Your favorite band is no longer allowed to be The Beatles. Do better. It's like saying your favorite book is the Bible.
2. Trick bikes aren't cool, and you can't ride them. You look like you're riding the bicycle equivalent of a clown car. You know why people rode those small, undersized bikes? Because they stole them from 8-year-old kids. The fact that you're paying for a bike you can't ride properly is dumb.
3. If you friended me on facebook over the summer before we met each other, you're not allowed to just come up and talk to me. You must introduce yourself. Especially if you've got a facebook coverpage (a profile picture that lies about your true appearance). Facebook friends is not the same as real friends.
4. When you stand outside my window and make noise late on a weeknight and I'm try to study or sleep, I reserve the right to eat you and leave your carcass as a warning to others.
5. Skinny girls who talk about being fat will shut the hell up.
6. Thou shalt not smack gum. Thou shalt not chew gum in class, thou shalt not chew gum during Mass. I can't focus when I can hear you chewing.
7. You may not borrow a pencil. Ever.
8. Thou shalt learn that there is a difference between Febrezing a shirt is not the same thing as washing it. I know, everyone else knows, and we demand that you utilize laundry detergent
9. Pet dogs on the way to class. What will you remember? That you fell asleep in that lecture that one time or that you petted a sweet dog? If the answer is not petting the dog, then there are some serious issues to consider.
10. You will stop thinking ninjas are better than pirates.
Don't get too comfortable. I may be coming to power sooner than you think.
posted by Meredith at 11:55 PM
4 Comments:
I was behind you until the 10th point. There will have to be a revolution, I'm afraid.
Same here. Everything you said seemed acceptable, and even hail worthy, but I shall never bow down to a tryrant who forces me to believe that ninjas are not better than pirates...
Viva la revolution!
- Joe
I demand to be second in command or at least share with Katie!
Silence, infidels! There will be no ninjas!
Bassett, I guess it's cool if you're second in command.
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