Girl Pants (and puttypants)

There's been a trend where emo boys buy women's jeans. Now, I think I could live with and appreciate this is they purchased the straight leg pants or at least wore them the way they're meant to be worn. You don't get to put on girl jeans and wear them like men's jeans. Now, I can appreciate the desire to have the accentuation of a nice booty that only girl's jeans can provide, but there's a reason they accentuate the booty: they make room for the booty. When worn mid-butt, -hip, -thigh, or -knee, there is a strange sagging effect. I am distracted by it. I can't deal with it, since my attention is already drawn (but not limited) to muffin tops, whale tail, camel toe, VPL, butt cleavage and single strands of hair floating in front of faces.

However, I have named this phenomenon puttypants, for it looks like the pants are made of silly putty, and started oozing down and collecting just below the butt. Here's an example of how to use it:
"Do you see that emo kid, the one with the swept up, black bangs?"
"Yeah?"
"He's got total puttybutt."
"And we're wearing the same American Eagle jeans."
"But he's wearing them like boy jeans. Thus, the puttybutt."
"Word."
"Word to your mom."

I don't even know what the girl jeans are supposed to represent. They don't fit better than men's jeans when you put them under your butt. Then they just look awkward, like you didn't realize that there's a zipper in the front you can unzip to get the pants up to your waist, and just tried to pull the pants up. I know you're not stupid, just emotional, so don't dress like it. But really...I'm so distraught by my girlfriend dumping me that I can't be bothered to walk all the way to the men's department? I'm so rebellious that I wear women's clothing? It's called drag queens, honey, and it's already been done.

Also, as a gender that is still globally oppressed, we deserve some concessions. Our advantages are to have doors held open for us, have dinner paid for, and wearing men's clothing when we please, sometimes not in the way it's meant to be worn (for example, I am currently wearing boxers as pajamas, not under pants). In short, stop copping our advantages. If boys think they have received an invitation to try to pass of women's clothing as men's clothing by wearing it like men's clothing, I would like to formally rescind it. Unless you're going to wear the clothing like it's meant to be worn.

So suck it up, and hand over the pants.