Spring Fashion
Now that spring has come around again, questionable fashion choices have begun sprouting. Admittedly, I don't have the gumption to get myself exceptionally put together and flirty every day, but on the off days, I try to keep it more conservative or minimalist and avoid "creative" fashion decisions. I have put down below my commands about said fashion choices, which are to be obeyed at all costs.
Meredith's Spring Fashion Commandments:
1. Thou shalt not wear a thong with a short skirt. I don't need to see that when I'm walking up the stairs behind you. Also dealing with thongs, thou shalt not wear a colored thong under a light skirt. It's distracting, and not in a flattering way.
3. Thou shalt not wear jeans under a cute skirt, even if it's cold. NOOOOOOOOOO!
3. Thou shalt not expose thy pasty white midriff. I don't like having to wear sunglasses.
4. Thou shalt never wear Uggs again, especially with a miniskirt. Are you stupid, or just blind? It's sixty-five degrees out, and everyone's awake enough again to recognize that you're wearing damn ugly shoes.
5. Thou shalt cross thy legs when wearing a miniskirt and facing me. This is especially true if one is going commando or wearing a thong. Your mother would smack you.
6. Thou shalt not expose more than two inches of cleavage on the butt or chest. It's not sexy, it's an invitation for me to try to land spare change in the crevice.
7. Thou shalt stop wearing a colored bra under a white shirt while it is raining. Unless it's a hot pink bra.
8. Thou shalt stop using eyeliner to imitate a raccoon. I know things are fuzzy in the morning, but it's not nearly blurry enough for eyeliner to go that awry.
9. Thou shalt not use sunless tanner. n.b. Putting sunless tanner on the stomach still does not make the midriff attractive.
10. Thou shalt stop wearing dark sunglasses that cover half your face. It upsets me when I can't see where you're looking while I'm talking to you, and I assure you you're not ugly enough to justify covering most of your face.
Obeying my commandments will ultimately increase the quality of your life. I know that we're all sinners, but I'm willing to forgive, so long as you repent.
Meredith's Spring Fashion Commandments:
1. Thou shalt not wear a thong with a short skirt. I don't need to see that when I'm walking up the stairs behind you. Also dealing with thongs, thou shalt not wear a colored thong under a light skirt. It's distracting, and not in a flattering way.
3. Thou shalt not wear jeans under a cute skirt, even if it's cold. NOOOOOOOOOO!
3. Thou shalt not expose thy pasty white midriff. I don't like having to wear sunglasses.
4. Thou shalt never wear Uggs again, especially with a miniskirt. Are you stupid, or just blind? It's sixty-five degrees out, and everyone's awake enough again to recognize that you're wearing damn ugly shoes.
5. Thou shalt cross thy legs when wearing a miniskirt and facing me. This is especially true if one is going commando or wearing a thong. Your mother would smack you.
6. Thou shalt not expose more than two inches of cleavage on the butt or chest. It's not sexy, it's an invitation for me to try to land spare change in the crevice.
7. Thou shalt stop wearing a colored bra under a white shirt while it is raining. Unless it's a hot pink bra.
8. Thou shalt stop using eyeliner to imitate a raccoon. I know things are fuzzy in the morning, but it's not nearly blurry enough for eyeliner to go that awry.
9. Thou shalt not use sunless tanner. n.b. Putting sunless tanner on the stomach still does not make the midriff attractive.
10. Thou shalt stop wearing dark sunglasses that cover half your face. It upsets me when I can't see where you're looking while I'm talking to you, and I assure you you're not ugly enough to justify covering most of your face.
Obeying my commandments will ultimately increase the quality of your life. I know that we're all sinners, but I'm willing to forgive, so long as you repent.
posted by Meredith at 7:30 AM
2 Comments:
Ugh thanks! I knew I was doing something wrong.
Yeah Glen, you really need to stop wearing those miniskirts. It's really starting to creap me out.
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