Puppy ADD

Let me set the stage: I am walking through the bucolic school campus, on my way to dining hall. It is the end of the day, and students are pouring out of the doors of the buildings. I smile, take in the atmosphere, and chat with someone walking next to me. I begin, "So, why did people care so much about having white bread in dining..." Suddenly, the conversation stops dead. "Meredith, Meredith?" she asks, but it's too late. My attention is gone. For I have spotted a puppy.

The faculty member freezes, suddenly aware that I have his dog in my sights. But it is too late to escape. "Aw, what a cute dog!" I declare, and rush over to shower affection on the dog. "What a pretty puppy you are, just look at you, you precious little schnoogums. You like petting, don't you? Yeeeeeees." The dog immediately flops over onto the ground to give me better access to the stomach for scratching, and all other things I had planned to do in the next five minutes are shot.

It is a given that, no matter how interesting or important something I'm doing it, I can't focus on it if I spot a dog. Against my will, my body compells me to dash over and TALK BABYTALK, of all mortifying things, to the dog. There is nothing else on earth that has the same effect on me, not even babies. I will always pet a dog. But it's even worse with puppies. Embarrassingly enough, a squeal bubbles up in my throat, and I am unable to stop it from escaping at even just a picture of a puppy. My dog used to "give" me puppy calendars for Christmas, when I was a kid, and I would spend a good ten minutes "Aaaaaw"ing. It significantly slowed down the present opening process, so my parents always made sure that my dog's gift came last.

Though I resisted initially, I have come to realize that Puppy ADD is like any other affliction, and that I must learn to work around it. I just have to think of cats, the thought of which kill all of my joy. I can still live my life semi-normally. And this knowledge gives me great strength.