Five Second Rule
The five second rule has been a staple in my life since elementary school. I first discovered it when I dropped half of my hot dog on the ground in the first grade. I look in distress at my hot dog, wishing, not for the last time, that I could rewind life and make the moment never happen. Then, a lifechanging event.
A boy in my class said, "What are you waiting for? Five second rule!"
I stared at him blankly.
"If you pick up the hot dog now, it'll still be okay to eat."
It seemed somewhat shady, eating food off the ground, but I really wanted the hot dog. I dropped into a squatting position and snatched the hot dog off the ground. I wiped the bun on my pants and ate it. Surprisingly, my hot dog tasted just as good, and perhaps even a little bit better for the adventure it had gone through.
Everyone has a different version of the five second rule. I usually stick with five seconds because I like to keep childhood habits classic. My dog has the one century rule, which leads her to run at chicken bones leftover from barbecues that probably took place in the previous year. One of my friends has the "until I pick it up" rule. He doesn't feel the need to rush to pick up things he drops on the ground. After all, if it's okay after five seconds, why not thirteen? But somehow I feel safer sticking with the classic, perhaps arbitrary five second parameter.
I have evolved in my use of the five second rule, however. If I drop something on the ground outside, I will not put it in my mouth afterward. I am confident that I am correct in making this decision. Nevertheless, I still pick up hamburgers, hotdogs, forks, brush them off, and eat/use them. But only after I look to make sure there's no one who's germ conscious around, looking to admonish me. I know I'm not supposed to eat food that's fallen on the floor, but I just can't get that upset about bacteria and poisoning myself after learning that there are more bacteria in the human mouth than on a toilet seat.
You're never too old for the five second rule, so everyone chill and stop telling me about how dangerous and disgusting it is. We both know you protest because you wish you still had the balls to do it too. I got to eat the rest of my hot dog. Will you?
A boy in my class said, "What are you waiting for? Five second rule!"
I stared at him blankly.
"If you pick up the hot dog now, it'll still be okay to eat."
It seemed somewhat shady, eating food off the ground, but I really wanted the hot dog. I dropped into a squatting position and snatched the hot dog off the ground. I wiped the bun on my pants and ate it. Surprisingly, my hot dog tasted just as good, and perhaps even a little bit better for the adventure it had gone through.
Everyone has a different version of the five second rule. I usually stick with five seconds because I like to keep childhood habits classic. My dog has the one century rule, which leads her to run at chicken bones leftover from barbecues that probably took place in the previous year. One of my friends has the "until I pick it up" rule. He doesn't feel the need to rush to pick up things he drops on the ground. After all, if it's okay after five seconds, why not thirteen? But somehow I feel safer sticking with the classic, perhaps arbitrary five second parameter.
I have evolved in my use of the five second rule, however. If I drop something on the ground outside, I will not put it in my mouth afterward. I am confident that I am correct in making this decision. Nevertheless, I still pick up hamburgers, hotdogs, forks, brush them off, and eat/use them. But only after I look to make sure there's no one who's germ conscious around, looking to admonish me. I know I'm not supposed to eat food that's fallen on the floor, but I just can't get that upset about bacteria and poisoning myself after learning that there are more bacteria in the human mouth than on a toilet seat.
You're never too old for the five second rule, so everyone chill and stop telling me about how dangerous and disgusting it is. We both know you protest because you wish you still had the balls to do it too. I got to eat the rest of my hot dog. Will you?
posted by Meredith at 7:30 AM
1 Comments:
There is of course the necessary corollaries to this rule. Such as the chocolate five second rule in which there exists an indefinate period for chocolate to be picked up and eaten.
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