A Shocking Turn of Events
I learned this weekend that there actually is something I'm too old for: most of the Disney channel original movies. All of the underclassmen in my dorm had been raving about High School Musical all year, but I never got a chance to see it. It's not really on television ever since it became popular and Disney realized that they could actually sell it to people. But it was on this weekend, and I watched it, all two hours. And basically all I have to say is: pre-teen America, what the shit? I will never have those two hours back, and I don't understand what you like so much. And since when do theater kids dress like they shop at Wet Seal and American Eagle?
So, admittedly, the crappiness of High School Musical-esque Disney movies is nothing new. Back in my day (late 90s/early 00s), it was Zenon: Girl of the Twenty-First Century (an exciting thought at the time of its release, 1999) and Johnny Tsunami. To all those who have seen these movies: don't judge me, middle school was a difficult time, and my taste cannot be accounted for. But there were no repulsive dance numbers. Just that one song from the end of Zenon that I secretly still enjoy with a sense of guilt. Zoom, zoom, zoom, you make my heart go boom boom!...
When I finished watching High School Musical, I realized that the reason I hated it was because I was too old for it. I guilty enjoyed my Disney original movies because I didn't yet appreciate one of humanity's finest achievements: subtlety. In this case, subtlety in acting. Kids shows and made-for-TV movies are severely overacted. The actors need to be over the top and lacking any finesse because most kids are that way. They appreciate it. I appreciated it. But now it just gets on my nerves. I think of my father, the poor soul, whom I made sit through some of these television shows; I was happily ignorant of his belief that anything short of being skinned alive would be a preferable use of his time. It reminds me of those rare days in elementary school when I got sick and had to stay home: daytime television was a sad affair, mostly because everything that was available assumed that I spoke Spanish, was interested by The View, or was still learning what a triangle was.
And those boys I thought were so old and cool and hot when I was eleven? I shudder when I think of it. I looked at the kids in High School Musical, and thought to myself: they're updated versions of the people I watched in these terrible movies. Therefore, they're at about the same level of attractiveness. I had low standards, apparently, and it wasn't just me. I think it's a collective, simultaneous fit that overcomes all middle school girls and makes them think that those guys like those from 'NSync are attractive. And then you wake up one day with a copy of High School Musical that your parents were forced to actually pay for and that Jojo album that you will never listen to again, and will deny ever having owned.
In conclusion, you're not allowed to judge people for things they find attractive or interesting in middle school. It's like chicken pox, it passes with time. Some things will create a feeling of nostalgia (Salute Your Shorts), Disney channel original movies will not, but it's okay to watch them before you develop the discriminating part of your brain. I don't blame myself for liking Johnny Tsunami when I was twelve, but I'm glad that the thought of it doesn't make me want to watch it.
So, admittedly, the crappiness of High School Musical-esque Disney movies is nothing new. Back in my day (late 90s/early 00s), it was Zenon: Girl of the Twenty-First Century (an exciting thought at the time of its release, 1999) and Johnny Tsunami. To all those who have seen these movies: don't judge me, middle school was a difficult time, and my taste cannot be accounted for. But there were no repulsive dance numbers. Just that one song from the end of Zenon that I secretly still enjoy with a sense of guilt. Zoom, zoom, zoom, you make my heart go boom boom!...
When I finished watching High School Musical, I realized that the reason I hated it was because I was too old for it. I guilty enjoyed my Disney original movies because I didn't yet appreciate one of humanity's finest achievements: subtlety. In this case, subtlety in acting. Kids shows and made-for-TV movies are severely overacted. The actors need to be over the top and lacking any finesse because most kids are that way. They appreciate it. I appreciated it. But now it just gets on my nerves. I think of my father, the poor soul, whom I made sit through some of these television shows; I was happily ignorant of his belief that anything short of being skinned alive would be a preferable use of his time. It reminds me of those rare days in elementary school when I got sick and had to stay home: daytime television was a sad affair, mostly because everything that was available assumed that I spoke Spanish, was interested by The View, or was still learning what a triangle was.
And those boys I thought were so old and cool and hot when I was eleven? I shudder when I think of it. I looked at the kids in High School Musical, and thought to myself: they're updated versions of the people I watched in these terrible movies. Therefore, they're at about the same level of attractiveness. I had low standards, apparently, and it wasn't just me. I think it's a collective, simultaneous fit that overcomes all middle school girls and makes them think that those guys like those from 'NSync are attractive. And then you wake up one day with a copy of High School Musical that your parents were forced to actually pay for and that Jojo album that you will never listen to again, and will deny ever having owned.
In conclusion, you're not allowed to judge people for things they find attractive or interesting in middle school. It's like chicken pox, it passes with time. Some things will create a feeling of nostalgia (Salute Your Shorts), Disney channel original movies will not, but it's okay to watch them before you develop the discriminating part of your brain. I don't blame myself for liking Johnny Tsunami when I was twelve, but I'm glad that the thought of it doesn't make me want to watch it.
posted by Meredith at 1:22 AM
3 Comments:
Sigur Rós rules, ok? :-D
/Matt
I was apalled to find that this High School Musical movie uses the exact variation of my name that I use. Not Gabriela or Gabrielle or anything, but MINE - Gabriella. WHY? OH THE HUMANITY! Just kidding.
Also - one girl's name is Sharpay? Um. Like a Sharpei? Is she small, wrinkly, and so ugly she's actually adorable? What an unfortunate name.
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