Coffee

I was a conscientious objector in the Coffee War.  I ripped up my draft card and fled to Teanada.  I've lost many good friends to coffee drinking and their angry debates about the merits of various coffees.  I remained uninvolved until Tuesday, when I drank coffee for the second time in my life.  I'd drunk my parents' instant dirt water, and it was enough to convince me that drinking coffee was a life experience I could have skipped.  Besides, I didn't think it would make much difference in my alertness.

This was false.  In the dining hall, about to mix hot cocoa before my tragically scheduled 9 a.m. class, I stopped in front of the pot labeled "Organic Fair Trade Coffee."  I debated for a long time; it was for the betterment of the global economy, and I was dragging.  Making a quick decision, I substituted the coffee for the water in the hot chocolate mix.  My friends tell me this is called a mocha, but I call it my miraculous make-the-taste-of-coffee-go-away hot drink.  A mouthful, yes, but a title that gives me credit.

My body, unused to the amount of caffeine, reacted.  I came into class feeling buzzed, and I would notice every once in a while that my eyes were open wider than normal.  Here's the thing: I was very, very awake, but no more able to function in class than when in a drowsy haze.  I was too distracted by how exciting and bright everything was to contribute to the conversation.  I'm a fast talker normally, but the coffee tranformed my sentences to continuous one-word psychobabble.  I think mixing coffee with an already hyper person is like mixing crystal meth and alcohol.  A poor decision on all accounts.  (And no, I don't do drugs, I just took 5 years of health classes.)

I drank coffee again today, hoping that this time the results would be better.  They were not.  I'm just going to have to break myself of the compulsive need to do all the homework assigned to me and get more sleep.

technorati tags:coffee, caffeine, class, drugs