Answers

I was looking at the things people have searched for that led them to this blog. I imagine that many of these people went away disappointed, considering that they were looking for such things as a reason why her treadmill was making an abnormal screeching noise and the habits of vulchers (which I have since discovered is actually spelled "vulture," but at least I'm not alone). So today I'm going to answer some of the questions and provide the things people have been looking for when they stumble upon Banana Theory but could not find previously.

1. You're supposed to eat the banana before exercising (to avoid cramping). You eat a tangerine afterwards. Fruit can be a confusing thing; I understand.
2. Here is a picture of a platypus:

















3. A fun figure skating trick is to wear a puffy jacket and spin around in a circle until you fall down.
4. Better luck here with the hand-holding paper chain.
5. Here is a short rap about bananas, composed in less than two minutes:
Sit on back and have a banana
Shake your booty like you know you can-a.
The phallic fruit ain't got no game
But with genetic engineering, we'll ignite its flame.
Bananas, don't die out, it'd be a bummer.
When we're together, we're the perfect number:
Two. Banana banana banana plumber.
6. Vultures are scavenger birds that feed on the (often rotting) carcasses of dead animals. Vulture experts speculate that they are bald-headed because the spurting blood from a feeding frenzy would make feathers on the head difficult to clean. They are ugly, mean sons-of-bitches, so it would be best to not be mortally wounded in the desert, lest they pick you apart while you are bleeding out the rest of your life. Despite popular belief, it is not spelled "vulcher." And that's all you need to know about vultures.
7. Booty booty booty booty, rock it all around. It's by BubbaSparxxx ft. Collipark and Ying Yang Twins.
8. The banana phone is an idea from Raffi, a singer-songwriter for children. You make a phone from your imagination and a banana. The effect is that parents delight when they see their child picking up a banana, thinking that Cookie Monster's new motto that cookies are "a sometimes food" have been taken to heart. This is immediately crushed when the child begins talking to the banana, and the parents turn their thoughts to how they will afford child therapy and a college education.
9. If your blood won't clot, it's called hemophilia. It's a problem.
10. I don't know why a treadmill would be making an abnormal screeching noise, as opposed to the normal screeching noise that they all emit. Perhaps it is a mating call to the stairmaster.

The topic of people search for weird things on the internet and somehow got to my blog is also excellently covered by Elliot (who stole my brainwaves yesterday).