Stop, fool!
I'm beginning to doubt that people have any of the good sense their mothers gave them. Willing things to be a certain way does not make them that way. And there are certain things we were taught in kindergarten that still apply.
One of these important lessons is that you look both ways when you cross the street, even on a one way street. I know it seems strange, but people sometimes back out of parking spaces or think that driving into oncoming traffic is a good idea. Another integral lesson is that when the light is red, you don't walk across the street. Now, not applying these rules separately can be okay. Sometimes I just kind of traipse across the street without looking, and if jaywalking were an Olympic sport, I would have a gold medal. But in conjunction, ignoring common sense can be deadly. If you're crossing a street when the light is red, chances are there's a car coming, and that car will hit you. Everyday I see people wandering across intersections against traffic and then wondering why they almost got mowed down by a bus. Buses won't stop for you. I want to yell, "Hey dumbass, it's because if you're going to break the law, at least do it properly." If you fail to steal something, you walk away emptyhanded. If you fail to jaywalk properly, you walk away without a head.
Oh, and I'm not fooled by your attempts to cut in line. Nobody is. This isn't elementary school where we're going to let slide the fact that you're a jerk. When you try to go for the scrambled eggs I've been eyeing from the back of the line, I will take actions you will not like. It feels like by the time I get to the front of the line, the earth will have reversed it's polarity. And so when you slow the process down by pretending to not understand that the hungry looking string of people are in fact waiting for the food, I want to crack my tray over your head. There's no way to miss the line. An old lady tried to pull the "What, there's a line?" move in Barnes and Noble the other day, figuring that her old lady power would convince the cashier to let it slide. When he pointed her to the line, I cheered on the inside. No one feels bad for you because you have to go to the back of the line.
If, in the computer lab, something doesn't work, pressing the same button over and over again will not fix it. You can't exit the program, you say? Call for help. The student computing assistant may hate you for the rest of your natural life, but your professor will demand your firstborn if you don't get the paper in on time. The wrath of one angry computer nerd is far less important than a hit to one's GPA. Pressing the escape button when the computer freezes does not help. Seriously. No really, stop. And I have no sympathy if you didn't save your paper. That was pretty much the first thing we were taught about computers: they're little bitches who like to delete important things at critical moments. Take preventative measures. I admit I've fallen pray to this: see the time when blogger spontaneously deleted my template and I had no backup. But now that I've put the reminder out there, everyone who is crying over lost 12-page papers that are gone to the Windows blue screen of death will suck it up, learn, and never come to a computer lab while I'm there ever again.
You may think you're getting away with whatever lapse in common sense you're committing, but you're not. I saw it.
One of these important lessons is that you look both ways when you cross the street, even on a one way street. I know it seems strange, but people sometimes back out of parking spaces or think that driving into oncoming traffic is a good idea. Another integral lesson is that when the light is red, you don't walk across the street. Now, not applying these rules separately can be okay. Sometimes I just kind of traipse across the street without looking, and if jaywalking were an Olympic sport, I would have a gold medal. But in conjunction, ignoring common sense can be deadly. If you're crossing a street when the light is red, chances are there's a car coming, and that car will hit you. Everyday I see people wandering across intersections against traffic and then wondering why they almost got mowed down by a bus. Buses won't stop for you. I want to yell, "Hey dumbass, it's because if you're going to break the law, at least do it properly." If you fail to steal something, you walk away emptyhanded. If you fail to jaywalk properly, you walk away without a head.
Oh, and I'm not fooled by your attempts to cut in line. Nobody is. This isn't elementary school where we're going to let slide the fact that you're a jerk. When you try to go for the scrambled eggs I've been eyeing from the back of the line, I will take actions you will not like. It feels like by the time I get to the front of the line, the earth will have reversed it's polarity. And so when you slow the process down by pretending to not understand that the hungry looking string of people are in fact waiting for the food, I want to crack my tray over your head. There's no way to miss the line. An old lady tried to pull the "What, there's a line?" move in Barnes and Noble the other day, figuring that her old lady power would convince the cashier to let it slide. When he pointed her to the line, I cheered on the inside. No one feels bad for you because you have to go to the back of the line.
If, in the computer lab, something doesn't work, pressing the same button over and over again will not fix it. You can't exit the program, you say? Call for help. The student computing assistant may hate you for the rest of your natural life, but your professor will demand your firstborn if you don't get the paper in on time. The wrath of one angry computer nerd is far less important than a hit to one's GPA. Pressing the escape button when the computer freezes does not help. Seriously. No really, stop. And I have no sympathy if you didn't save your paper. That was pretty much the first thing we were taught about computers: they're little bitches who like to delete important things at critical moments. Take preventative measures. I admit I've fallen pray to this: see the time when blogger spontaneously deleted my template and I had no backup. But now that I've put the reminder out there, everyone who is crying over lost 12-page papers that are gone to the Windows blue screen of death will suck it up, learn, and never come to a computer lab while I'm there ever again.
You may think you're getting away with whatever lapse in common sense you're committing, but you're not. I saw it.
posted by Meredith at 8:46 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home