Before I Die

There are some things I've decided I have to do before I die. I'm going to mention only a few.

1. Be in a hip hop video. Yes, the portrayal of women in these videos is degrading. But I just want to prance around in the hoochie shorts, wear one of those non-tops that I've never seen sold anywhere, let some man grease me down so my skin is shiny and then dance around. And make stupid, supposedly sexy faces at the camera as it passes.

2. Enter a men's restroom for some other reason than that the line for the women's line is long, as usual, and I'm desperate to pee. The end of the journey will not be my using the facilities after locking the front door and preventing anyone else from entering and coming upon me. I will take time to appreciate how truly inferior men's restrooms are...and figure out what that weird smell is.

3. Go streaking. I've been skinny dipping and wandered through my house naked. The logical next step is to run around naked in public. I looked on with a tinge of envy as the streaker who ran onto the field during the football game with our rival college was tackled to the ground by the police. An economics professor who is widely despised by the student body has a first lecture that sounds something like this: "...Homework is worth 15% of your grade, and if you streak in my class, I will sue you for sexual harassment." Every semester, on the last day of lecture, there are streakers who run through the aisles to show their great disdain for both the class and/or the dismal grade they're getting out of it. Yesterday was the last day of the economics lecture. Nakedness ensued, and I was sad to not be part of it. Therefore, I will remedy this situation.

4. Go to Bonnaroo. I'm sad every summer when I can't go. There's always something...being out of the country, my mother keying into the fact that there are liberals amounts of illegal substances, etc. I'm cool with not getting to shower for several days, not sleeping and listening to ridiculous amounts of live music.

5. Go skydiving or bungee jumping. I'll save these for last. And I'll have to choose between this and breast implants. I watched a documentary about a woman who went bungee-jumping and her breast implants exploded. It broke all her ribs, and she barely survived. And if I'm going to die doing a ridiculous, unnecessarily dangerous stunt, it's not going to be my breasts that kill me, dammit.

technorati tags:college, wishes, music, streaking, skydiving, bathrooms