AWKWARD
There was a popular gesture at my school that I'm not sure is a national phenomenon or not. Whenever hearing an awkward anecdote or telling a story about someone being really awkward, people would often make an "A" with their arms a la the gesture associated with the song "YMCA" and say, "AWKWARD." It wasn't yelled, as the capital letter would suggest, but the emphasis indicated that it was an emphatic usage that can only be properly expressed with all caps. And now that the slang gesture has been ingrained into my psyche, I find more and more times when it is appropriate. Because really, people are awkward.
It's a somewhat less serious kind of awkwardness, the kind that earns the "A" gesture. It's only the kind that you would tell a friend about. When you try to figure out the proper usage, think of that person you know whom you can always count on to say the one thing that would end a good conversation.
The first example of an awkward moment is when you need to use the restroom on a plane. I used to like the window seat when I was a kid. Now I prefer the aisle seat. The reason is this: when I sit in the window seat, I am always confronted with the inconvenience of having to ask someone to move so I can go pee. And I have to make the decision whether or not to give them a nice, awkward look at my crotch or my butt as I shuffle past. It is doubly awkward when I have to pass two people on my way to the aisle.
Another common one is the catching of eyes with a stranger doing something, even when neither of you is doing something wrong. Another airplane example is when two people choose to look out the window, and you feel, in the periphery of your vision, that the other person is looking at you. In this case, I stare very intently out the window at nothing to show them that I absolutely did not do the same thing. These foot-shifting moments also occur in the gym. There's often that one older guy grunting away on the bike machine, hunched over it and huffing like he's on the mountain leg of the Tour de France. You occasionally look over at him, hoping you won't have to call an ambulance before you finish the workout. He catches you looking, and it's AWKWARD.
My favorite of these, however, is the "you go this way, I'll go that way" scenario that never, ever works out. Both people step in the same direction, then the other. It's so played out in movies, it makes me nauseous. But I can't stop living it. And when it occurs with someone of the opposite gender, one of those "are you doing this so you can spend more time admiring my excellent physique" looks sometimes comes my way. No, I'm not attracted to you, I'm just awkward. And that look you gave me was awkward, too, so you're not coming away from this Scott free.
The most AWKWARD thing, however, is the moment when you're catching someone in a compromising situation, and haven't made your getaway yet. Examples of this include:
a. walking in on people you see regularly, but are not friends with, having sex
b. walking in on someone doing her business on the toilet
c. walking in on someone's naked father changing
This kind is supremely awkward because the person who's implicated can't easily stop what he's doing and you can't get away quickly enough. And you know in that moment, both of you are thinking, "UM, UM, UHHHH, what the hell do I do?" and contemplating the residual embarrassment.
It's a somewhat less serious kind of awkwardness, the kind that earns the "A" gesture. It's only the kind that you would tell a friend about. When you try to figure out the proper usage, think of that person you know whom you can always count on to say the one thing that would end a good conversation.
The first example of an awkward moment is when you need to use the restroom on a plane. I used to like the window seat when I was a kid. Now I prefer the aisle seat. The reason is this: when I sit in the window seat, I am always confronted with the inconvenience of having to ask someone to move so I can go pee. And I have to make the decision whether or not to give them a nice, awkward look at my crotch or my butt as I shuffle past. It is doubly awkward when I have to pass two people on my way to the aisle.
Another common one is the catching of eyes with a stranger doing something, even when neither of you is doing something wrong. Another airplane example is when two people choose to look out the window, and you feel, in the periphery of your vision, that the other person is looking at you. In this case, I stare very intently out the window at nothing to show them that I absolutely did not do the same thing. These foot-shifting moments also occur in the gym. There's often that one older guy grunting away on the bike machine, hunched over it and huffing like he's on the mountain leg of the Tour de France. You occasionally look over at him, hoping you won't have to call an ambulance before you finish the workout. He catches you looking, and it's AWKWARD.
My favorite of these, however, is the "you go this way, I'll go that way" scenario that never, ever works out. Both people step in the same direction, then the other. It's so played out in movies, it makes me nauseous. But I can't stop living it. And when it occurs with someone of the opposite gender, one of those "are you doing this so you can spend more time admiring my excellent physique" looks sometimes comes my way. No, I'm not attracted to you, I'm just awkward. And that look you gave me was awkward, too, so you're not coming away from this Scott free.
The most AWKWARD thing, however, is the moment when you're catching someone in a compromising situation, and haven't made your getaway yet. Examples of this include:
a. walking in on people you see regularly, but are not friends with, having sex
b. walking in on someone doing her business on the toilet
c. walking in on someone's naked father changing
This kind is supremely awkward because the person who's implicated can't easily stop what he's doing and you can't get away quickly enough. And you know in that moment, both of you are thinking, "UM, UM, UHHHH, what the hell do I do?" and contemplating the residual embarrassment.
posted by Meredith at 3:17 AM
2 Comments:
This post is brilliant, you've nailed it perfectly. And I'd like to add one of my own...
When you rush into the school office and you take a few seconds to catch your breath and then you look up and realize there's only one person in the queue who you should say hi to but time's already past and you think if it's too late to say hi and by the time you stop thinking it is too late to say hi and they're still waiting for the office lady and they look back with an awkward look at you for that fraction of a second and you start thinking if it's too late to say hi and then it is and so you end up saying nothing... AWKWARD.
... But then maybe that's just me :)
Keep blogging, your writing's great!
Thanks. I totally get what you mean. That for me is when you pass somebody on the sidewalk and you wave or say hi too soon, and you still have several feet to go before you cross paths. And there's that moment in between the wave and the passing where you don't know whether or not to make eye contact, look away...throw yourself in front of a car?...And so maybe you'll do something doubly awkward like say hi if you waved or wave if you said hi before. And it's all just AWKWARD.
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