The Christmas Party, Part 3

The Christmas Party Scenarios, Part 3

The Uncomfortable Clothing Christmas Party

The only thing you will remember about this Christmas party is how uncomfortable you were the entire time.  The quality of the part will be irrelevant.  These are the ones I most often frequent.  They are the parties of former colleagues of my parents and old, formerly close friends.  The party will involve some combination of or all of these things:

1. tree trimming

2. bringing an ornament to trim the tree with.  (Make sure you have no emotional attachment to it, because you will never see it again.  There was some trauma when I, young, stupid and not understanding what was going on, chose my favorite ornament, only to realize I was giving it away.)

3. condescending statements about how much I've grown (I do remarkable work with growth, given ten years).  Measurements of my former height, as demonstrated by hand gesture, will put me anywhere from chihuahua height to hobbit height.

4. amorphous, grey blobs passing as hors d'ouevres

5. singing Christmas carols

These parties have one, more salient association attached to them, however: the uncomfortable party dress.  It looks very nice and festive.  I have discovered that no dress deemed appropriate for the Uncomfortable Clothing Christmas Party is allowed to be without some irritance; thus the name.  The dress will be vaguely uncomfortable in varying degrees, and distracting.  The dress will be accompanied by the HIP (high in pain) shoes.  These are those adorable high heels that I just had to have.  They are meant for one thing: teetering from sitting place to sitting place; they are not intended for standing around a tree smiling while people marvel at my growth patterns.  The best part of my night will be in removing these shoes in the car.

Thus ends (at least for now) my analysis of the Christmas party scenarios.

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